I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I wish you could order shots online.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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