hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
