it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
