We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize