if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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