i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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