If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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