She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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