R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Randomize
