she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
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