He asked to "fluff my boner.."
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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