I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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