I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
