i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
