You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
