the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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