She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
