i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
