and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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