I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
