just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
