I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
