If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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