Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
