my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
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