Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
