I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Randomize
