Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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