Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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