You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize