You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
