It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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