No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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