I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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