Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Never underestimate the power of titties
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