I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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