I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
