you guys were way drunker than both of me
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
