tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
