I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
