apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize