apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
