You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I feel like a drive thru vagina
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
