I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
