you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
only you would photoshop your dick
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
