Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
