this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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