the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Im part way to drunk.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
