I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
