Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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