a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
