Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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