We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize