But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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