How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
