He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
