Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
