the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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