I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
