i think i have two assholes
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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