This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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