just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
