love makes seman taste better
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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