Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
