I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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