he shaved USA in his pubs
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
