I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
