six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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