first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She told me I should be a condom model.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
