omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
