I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
