I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
