Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize