sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
