she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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