Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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