Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
