So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
