I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
