Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
