Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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